STRAIGHT FROM CRAIGSLIST

My apologies to anyone actually reading this post for my long absence from Sooo L.A. updates! I was traveling for a few months on business, and while visiting the more "normal" parts of the country, didn't seem to have any Sooo L.A. moments. (Go figure.) Perhaps on my next trip I'll post a slew of Sooo NOT L.A. stories - as the difference between this crazy town and the small towns of Middle America can be astounding to me at times. Then again, occasionally there were surprising similarities. For instance, while working at the Great Allentown Fair in Allentown, PA., I was shocked to discover that the County Fairground Bathrooms had bathroom attendants!! These ladies were straight out of a Hollywood club or high end restaurant too. They had the hairspray, mints, tampons, perfume, the works! The bathrooms barely even had running water, but never mind that; they had attendants! Think typical county fair restrooms: concrete floor, no soap dispensers, vandalized toilet seats. Gross! But on your way out you had better make sure you tipped that attendant! Sooo L.A. - And yet Sooo NOT at the same time!

At any rate, I'm finally back in the fantastic city of Los Angeles, and I'm cruising Craigslist looking for a "gig" when this gem pops up. It's kind of like the perfect, "Welcome Home!":

Need to See an OB/GYN soon? (Santa Monica)

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Date: 2010-03-04, 5:57PM PST
Reply to: gigs-zegyp-1629076450@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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Do you need to see an OB/GYN Soon? National talk show wants to hear your story!

Please e-mail us with your contact information, age, city and a few photos of you!

• Location: Santa Monica
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: no pay

Can I PLEASE just ask.

1. How does this qualify as a "gig"?

2. How would the fact that you need to see an OB/GYN Soon qualify as a "story"?

3. Is this really what TV has come to?? Sharing stories about the Gyno? REALLY??

4. And lastly, who in their RIGHT MIND would answer this post? Would someone really just send their contact info, age, and PICTURES to some random, anonymous stranger who is requesting such a bizarre thing? Are people REALLY this desperate to be on TV??? ...

OH wait. Stupid me. I almost forgot where I live. Of course they are.

Simple Irony

This photo was snapped by a friend in Beverly Hills. Yes... that is a homeless man pushing a busted down Lamborghini. Oh the irony.

STATUS UPDATE

My friend John had the following posted as his "Status Update" on Facebook:

"I just saw a homeless guy doing downward dog."

Homeless Yoga. I can't possibly think of anything that would better define the term SOOO L.A.!!!!! This is a flashback to the homeless lady I met at the 3rd St. Promenade who told me her mascara was from Sephora. The homeless people here seem to be more sheik than I am!!!

BOTOX ON THE BEACH

A new business recently opened up on the Venice Beach Boardwalk. "Botox on the Beach". So you can fry your skin and then have the wrinkles zapped out all in one lovely trip to the beach!! Oh - and you can pick up your pot supply right next door! Gotta love convenience!!

STRAIGHT FROM THE L.A. TIMES

Pot Brownies Sickened L.A. Pre-School Teachers

A group of preschool teachers in Los Angeles was sickened by marijuana this year after unknowingly eating pot brownies purchased by a fellow instructor, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said Thursday.

The incident took place April 7 at an unidentified preschool and was investigated by Los Angeles police, according to the CDC report.

The preschool teacher who brought in the brownies told investigators that she had purchased them two days earlier from a street vendor who claimed to be selling them as a church fundraiser. The pastor at the church the vendor named later said there was no such fundraiser. The unlabeled brownies cost $1.50 each, and each one was in plastic wrap. The teacher did not consume any, but her adult son ate two.

Five teachers ate one brownie each; a sixth teacher took a bite but promptly spit it out, "complaining of an unusual taste," the CDC report said. The brownies were left in a break room.

A short time later, the preschool director and the administrator observed one instructor becoming sleepy and dizzy and suffering shortness of breath, with tingling and numbness in her face, forehead and arms.

Suspicion immediately fell on the brownie.

It was the only food eaten by all six people who reported fatigue, stumbling and other symptoms. Two of the teachers later sought medical attention. One was a breast-feeding mother, who nursed her baby about an hour and a half after eating the first half of a brownie at 7:30 a.m.; the baby was not sickened.

A leftover brownie tested by the Los Angeles Police Department contained chemicals that come from marijuana. CDC officials said the incident was a reminder that marijuana can be a source of food-borne illnesses.

- Sooo L.A.!! Stoned preschool teachers. Random street vendor selling "secret" pot-brownies under the guise of raising money for a CHURCH - of all things!! And then the fact that the L.A.P.D. has the time and man-power to go around running drug tests on brownies! PRICELESS!!!

A SOOO L.A. GARAGE SALE

Where I grew up, in the Midwest, people would nail a "Garage Sale" sign to a telephone pole or a wooden stake in the grass. In L.A. people stick them on a shiny $100,000 car and call it a day.

Um...You're Not At The Beach

I'm in line at my neighborhood Ralph's (grocery store) right now, which is located about 2.5 miles from the beach - much farther than most people are willing to walk. The girl in line in front of me - probably in her mid-twenties - has on a bikini and flip-flops. No shorts. No towel. Just a bikini. In a grocery store. I would snap a picture, but that just seems dirty and weird. Is this normal? Does the fact that we are somewhat close to the beach make this attire NOT so bizarre?

SPOTTED

My girlfriend went hiking today in the ever popular hotspot, Runyon Canyon, and sent me this:

"Got a "HELLO" from a very in-shape/handsome man on my grundgy,sweaty,funktalicious hike this afternoon...... It was our very own L.A. MAYOR, ANTONIO VILLARAIGOSA. Dude is fine!!! I see now why these newscasters are lining up to him! Body is fit and handsome. He had on shorts and a tee shirt. Security trailing him."

HOTTIE MAYOR

- Check.

HOTTIE MAYOR WHO HIKES MOST INFAMOUS CELEB-FILLED HOLLYWOOD WORKOUT SPOT

- Check.

HOTTIE MAYOR GIVING A "HELLO" TO MY SEXY GIRLFRIEND WHO'S DRIPPING W/ SWEAT

- Check.

That's SOOO L.A.

A SOOO L.A. POTTY BREAK

A few days ago I was working as an extra on a new sitcom called, ACCIDENTALLY ON PURPOSE. The show stars Jenna Elfman and will air on CBS in the fall. After a few hours on set -(and many, MANY cups of free coffee) - nature called, and I made my way to the nearest restroom. To get to the bathroom, you had to exit the soundstage and walk outside to the next building over. I made my tinkle, and while washing my hands started to glance around the ladies room. It wasn't super dirty or anything, but I couldn't help thinking to myself, "It must be nice to be the star of the show. I'm sure she has her own private bathroom." JUST as I finished my thought (I swear!) out of the next stall walks Jenna Elfman!! Full makeup and glowing in her white bathrobe (thrown on over her wardrobe to keep warm and clean on set.) I think I somehow managed to contain the shocked look on my face when I saw her, but maybe not. It seemed as if God was playing a practical joke on me in that moment! I smiled and said hi as we both washed our hands, and then she hightailed it out of there while I was still laughing to myself about the irony of the situation! Too funny, and definitely SOOO L.A.!!!

STRAIGHT FROM CRAIGSLIST

Female Model Needed For Colon Hydrotherapy Demonstration (L.A/Vent.)

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Date: 2009-08-02, 4:25PM PDT
Reply to: gigs-5jyqy-1302423124@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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No experience needed!! An excellent opportunity for college students.
Now's your chance to not only take part in an educational and healthful experience, but to get PAID for doing it!
We are seeking a healthy female to assist a licensed colon hydrotherapist in a single session for training purposes.
Pay is $125/hr. (Estimated time 1.5-2 hours)

• Location: L.A/Vent.
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: 125

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? $125 to get your Colon Cleansed in front of people??!!

You'd have to pay me $125,000 to even consider it!!!!